★

Gavun Newscum

2AQop9SNAbceSHWSkcreruRgBLvPBQtd41mGyRuFpump

The Peepols Prezident — 2028

☭ ☭ ☭

"From the glorius shores of the Peeples Reepublic of Californya, one man risez to bring the fyve-year plan to all fiftee states. The revolushun will be telavised — and it will have grate hare."

The Origan Storey

From Sacremento to the Kremlen — er, the Wite House

Borned from the colective spiret of the Goldin State, Comrad Newscum rose threw the Partee ranks with a smyle, a furm handshake, and a $12 millyon Napa estayte that he ashures you is "for the peeple."

Havving sucessfully manajed Californya's transishun into a werkers' paradice — compleet with roling blackowts, $7 gass, and a hi-speed rale that conects noware to noware — the Chairmun now sets his sites on the nashun.

His platfourm is simpel: what werked for Californya will werk for evreyone. And if it didnt werk for Californya? Well, comrad, thats misinformashun.

The Chairmuns Playbuk

Aproved slogenz for redistrabution

"Rulez for thee, Mishelin starz for me."

"The trane is comming. Its allways comming. Jus wate."

"Houseing is a humin rite — unles you want to bild some."

"We investagated ourselvs and fownd no wrongdooing."

"Californya leedes the nashun in leeving the nashun."

"Trus the plan. Ignor the awdit."

Propoganda Gallary

Aproved imajes from the Ministree of Vibes

"This is fyne." — Offishul State Respons

The Chairmun dynes wile the peeple folow the rulez

Expektashun vs. Reelity: The Peeples Railwey

Comming Soon™ — sinse 2008

Afordable houseing inishiative (for Partee memburs only)

The Stayte Awditor hard at werk fynding nuthing

"Yung Man, Hurree" — the awtobiografy nobuddy asked for

The Californya Spase Progam: one smal step for burocracy

Fyve-Year Plan

Policee breefs from the Sentral Comittee

★ Nashunal Hi-Speed Rale

Exstend Californya's revolushunary rale projekt to all 50 staytes. Curent timelyne: compleshun by 2087. Budjet: watever it taykes, plus 400% cost overuns.

★ Houseing for All*

Evry Amerikan deserves a hoam. *Hoam may be a 400 sq ft stoodio for $3,200/munth. Partee leedership exzempt from prycing gydelines.

★ Enurgy Independanse

Bann all fossle fuels by 2030. Reeplase with roling blackowts and stronglee werded leters to the sunn rekwesting more owtput.

★ Wildfyre Manajement

New fedral progam: thumbs up in frunt of berning things. Forrest rayking budjet: $0. Hare gel budjet: classifyed.

★ Fiskal Transparansy

All fedral awdits will be condukted by the sayme teem that awdits Californya. Rezults garanteed: no frawd fownd, evur.

★ The Frensh Lawndry Act

Leedership shal mayntane acsess to fyne dyning durring all nashunal emerjensees. This is not hipocrisee — its leeding by exampel.